I come off as smooth and collected. Always. (lies). Mostly because I so adeptly hide my clumsiness and idiocy – like the time I was in school and I accidentally tucked my skirt into my underware (and I happened to be wearing granny panties) – I walked around like that for HOURS before someone had the courage to tell me. I made up some stupid story – like I was doing a psychological test on everyone to see who my real friends were and everyone FAILED. Right – good cover up.
Well today, I had another “incident”. I’m wearing a cute little sweater with a flimsy little knit belt. And I’m in a hurry, running out the door of my client AWhere’s office to meet Charlie Knight (love the rock star name or I wouldn’t have dropped it!). Well, I had to use the bathroom before I left, but AWhere is 99% men so the toilet seat was up, and being the lazy and late slackass that I am, I figured I’d air-pee rather than put the toilet seat down. In my haste, the end of my belt went for a dive in the toilet and basically absorbed everything before I realized it. In fact, not only did it absorb everything in the toilet, but then when I finished, it managed to rest against the back of my pants, right in the ASS part, which of course leaked toilet contents all over my butt.
So now I have a huge pee wet spot on my ass and my belt is soaked in urine and toilet water. And I’m late. I’m not even going to tell you how I dealt with it. But let’s just say you don’t want to go in my briefcase anytime soon.
You can’t make this stuff up.
Just be warned next time you try to grab my ass.